I am afraid for their minds, their characters, their sanity
Dialogue with a U.S. soldier in Kuwait

Dec. 30, 2003

I'm a reservist on duty in Kuwait, where we've been mostly for five crappy months, with occasional incursions into Iraq. I have just discovered your website and specifically an article by one "Underground Panther in the Sky" called "Military Morals."

Five years ago the article might have made me laugh as hippy dippy shit. Even a year ago, as a reservist. My opinion has slowly been completely revised since I got here. I am furious at the waste of lives in this war that might as well have been designed to make America less secure and I think "Military Morals" should be required reading for all kids considering enlisting -- and their parents.

It isn't something I can say to the other soldiers here, frag happens, so please don't publish my name or email address ... but there ought to be a reward for writing something that kicks that hard exactly where a kick is needed.

Thanks for the great comments. Where most of my anger is directed at is the sheer dishonesty in the military leadership. I myself never served. My father did as did members of my family. I saw firsthand the changes in their personas and it was painful to live through, painful to watch the effects etch themselves into the faces of my cousins, myself.

And I had to ask myself, was all it worth it to them or do they never ask that question now that their 'time' is over and they want to forget? Were the things they faced and went through worth it for them, and if not, for whom was it worth it?

The military didn't seem to make my father a better person or happier or healthier at all. It fucking destroyed him. Our family wasn't any happier or safer with his military involvement, in fact it may have made some of us sick too.

After WW2 America has been in wars time and time again, everywhere. America does not stop warring, because it's 'leaders' won't stop stirring up wars.

Our founding fathers were wise about that issue and some of them wanted to avoid having a standing army at the behest of a 'leader'. A people's war is a more honest war, that is what the revolutionary war was, even tho it was the landowners who had the highest stakes in it. There was no standing army then. But the wealthy made sure after that, we had one.

Leaders never stop these campaigns for conquest, if they can just command others to die and they can avoid the battle front themselves. This problem of avoidance makes me wonder how legit ARE these wars, especially when you never really know the truth as to why we are over there anyway.

The wealthy elites who make wars for reasons dubious at best can avoid 'service' yet still be seen as 'successful' role models in our culture. They never have to drag the effects of their wars home to scar their own kids. The elites never have to face being poor and desperate enough enlist to be a "success" in anyone's eyes, to get a Porsche, impress the chix, or to pay for college, etc. The elite by virtue of society's sicko habit of looking up to "big men" and handing them their wealth and work on the cheap, never have to from necessity to even remotely face the dangers of enlisting. Yet people are conditioned to assume these 'big men' can whap any bees' nest with a stick they want to get at the honey inside.

"Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities, War. He is the only one that gathers is brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out… and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel… And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for 'the universal brotherhood of man' -- with his mouth."

  —Mark Twain, What Is Man

I can understand (remember) where Sander and Peace-Thru-Reason are coming from. It's a common viewpoint from people who have never served, and many of the people I'm serving with do deserve all the respect. Many of them absolutely don't.

Yes it's a mixed bag situation I know, but I wanted Military Morals to first point the finger at the leadership but also the warn potential recruit as well to get them to THINK about what they were doing before they do it and sign the paper. I wanted some people in the military to question their superiors. I know their sergeants have called them much worse things than "dupes" when they didn't perform on command. I know some people in the military can withstand the onslaught of training and keep their soul intact, but there are not enough of them to challenge the corruption of their commanders, it looks like.

I think all the suicides of soldiers in Iraq hint at a moral crisis going on in some people's hearts over there. I'm not saying every suicide in the military in Iraq relates to this issue of character and corruption on some level, but I bet some of these tragedies do and I bet the military is the last personnel you want to say this kinda thing to.

To me enlisting is like playing russian roulette with your own soul psychological health and character (or sometimes your physical body). (The military does use soldiers and sometimes civilians as guinea pigs for weapons tests ,control devices etc.)

Some things I overhear amongst military people are about the things the military does to a person to make a battle ready soldier out of them is appalling. Some parts of this process are very perverse and abusive and just wrong. But it's excused and rationalized by the military culture as a pretext to make a soldier able withstand torture in the enemies' hands, by "torturing" them here.

But what if that soldier who goes through hell never sees the battlefront? What does it all do to his mind? What does he bring home with him that is unleashed in the form of personality changes, mental illness, trauma effects?

And this DOES effect his family and friends. And if the person in question faces batter or POW status, what does THAT do to his mind, his spirit, his character ... and what does he bring home inside himself after going through all that horror? And what effects does all that have HERE? And who amongst the citizens can avoid the fallout from this abuse?

The elites can avoid seeing the effects of war, and they can ensure their kin can avoid it too hiding in their gated, guarded wealthy communities and by having their "associates" expunge their kids from service lists or having 'friends' put them out of the line of fire with the scent of money).

"All great leaders have understood that their number one responsibility is cultivating their own discipline and personal growth. Those who cannot lead themselves cannot lead others. "

  — John Maxwell

We were taught that a good soldier is obedient, but my observation is obedience is the easy part, they blast it into recruits from day one. Obedience is not the main ingredient that make a good soldier. Too much obedience makes a good soldier a blank slate. Blank slates carrying rifles.

Some people who are looking to dominate the world, to make it their 'oyster' want to create blank slates carrying rifles outta people who might prefer to not agree or say no or be different than they are. These "elite" people. The "big men" worshipped by every nation that gives these "Big men" precedence and place, wealth and power, unearned respect and trust, the "elites" are the real threats to humanity, peace, security and social sanity. not a bunch of poor, frustrated, desperate, near-suicidal traumatized Iraqi people.

In case you haven't noticed our culture is all about coercion it's so coercive a lot of the coercion is invisible to us because we are immersed in it, like a fish in water. Do fish notice they live in water? Only when they are flopping on the floor gasping for air because they jumped outta the fish tank.

In our "civilized" culture built on coercion, domination/submission and competition everyone is trying to rewrite your heart's slate, to sell yourself out to their own advantage, be it your parents, advertisers, the military or the job. Coercion comes from a billion directions at once in our society. That is how "Big men" can get people to work for way too little, kill others on command and basically get people to sell themselves short by making sure they never get what was stolen from them so long ago.

Domination requires haves and have nots. In this society, it is observed, he who writes his programs into a person or demographics' blank slate's controls the person's 'shape' and their desires even if they are totally unaware they have been manipulated, the results of a subverted soul are still there, even if the control is only partial.

The soldiers I respect most and the soldiers I want beside me in battle are those that resisted that blasting, or took it only on the surface level without letting it seep to the gut. The ones that let it take root, even if they were perfectly normal civilians, a lot are stupid, killing machines now like "Underground Panther in the Sky" said. Point them at something you want killed and give the order and they will try to kill it. These guys not only haven't thought about WHY. they refuse to. It's easier not to, and more efficient, they're encouraged not to think and they don't. WHY is not in the job description. Without thinking they will kill Iraqis this year and Iranians next year and win medals for it and be called heroes, and if anything about this fucked up war made sense I wouldn't even complain becuz you bet your ass I'm not thinking about WHY when we're out there. but I haven't stopped thinking entirely. When we get back to camp I think, but some of these guys don't. and if someone in rank ordered these blank slates to kill your sister they would kill your sister. I have heard some of them brag about that in those exact words, and others laugh.

I ain't laughing. There is something very sick about leaders letting a bunch of stressed out, gun wielding troops blithely laugh off or excuse the idea that someone with rank can use his position in a corrupted way by ordering a soldier to kill my sister, and it's even sicker they brag that they'd obey the rank's order without question as if there wasn't evil in that command. Where are the commanders to defend their own integrity whilst this banter goes on, why don't they stop this banter and say, I would not order you to kill your sister, (maybe they are silent because they are ordering the destruction of innocents and they don't wanna open that can of worms and mess up some perfectly subservient soldiers?)

This kind of bragging and playing one upmanship about who is the most obedient to their superiors is nuts. I don't care if it's casual it's those unguarded moments that the truth of the heart leaks out the clearest sometimes. To me it' smacks of. "I'm a better slave than you are, I'll prove it. I'd kill your innocent, uninvolved American citizen sister to please my masters and show my willingness to obey".

Do these soldiers ever stop to realize what the hell they are saying about the military mind, about their own minds?? or what it is exactly they are competing over with each other? That mentality you described here is just insane scary.

People who respect their own freedom want to keep their locus of control inside themselves, they don't want to compete or even pretend to compete with their fellows about who's a better mindless slave. People don't prostitute their own will like that, unless something teaches them it's ok to do it, or they are convinced, a situation requires it of them to think this way, and of course they must have a culture for company setting the standards of conduct they fit themselves into so there is no shame in selling yourself into a tablu rasa slavehood for the benefit of your masters.

We are trained professional soldiers and we're good at what we do. but there's no "un-training" when the war's over. When some of these guys come home we all ought to fucking be afraid. I am.

Guess what, I am too. I am afraid for their minds, their characters, their sanity. I am sad for their families and with the benefits cut for the wealthy's sake. shit. it's gonna be ugly.

But the deep sadness in my heart I feel for everyone in this mess, it overrides the fear. The anger I feel towards the "elites", the chain of command concept and the rampant unchecked secreted away, corruption that rots the entire military system like a fish, from the head down, it overrides the sadness sometimes.

Take care of yourself and your fellows sir, and try to stay safe even tho you are getting shot at probably. Help save the hearts and souls of your fellows and show the Iraqis with your actions not all American soldiers are mindless or abusers beholden to greed. maybe your actions might change everything for one person for the better and that is what we live for.

"The Universe is thronged with fire and light, And we but smaller suns, which, skinned, trapped and kept Enshrined in blood and precious bones, hold back the night."

  —Ray Bradbury

Oh in case you never wanted to imagine. *I am* a dippy hippy wannabe. :) Ever read the great hippie writers? Some hippies are brilliant thinkers. but not without their own brand of shortsightedness like the rest of humanity.

=Underground Panther in the Sky=