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"Freedom is the fundamental human right." |
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Whining, snarling Republicansby The Alchemist, Nov. 3, 2004Here in Iowa, we have the largest voter registration ever, over 95% of eligible voters. As part of my efforts to eject the un-elected warmonger currently squatting in the Oval Office I recently signed up to canvas voters, both in person and via telephone. My experience was quite telling. The organization I volunteered for is trying to mobilize the Kerry vote. I show up at the office, it is a scene of frenetic activity. The office is shabby, with people perched on folding chairs, on the floor, in front of rented laptops. There are cables and lines everywhere, and the phone jacks sprout from raw holes in the scarred walls. Low rent meets high expectations. Most of the volunteers are of the 20-something persuasion and look like they have been denied sleep and laundry facilities for days. There are hand-made charts and maps taped to every available surface, and a pile of cookies next to a battered coffee maker. Everyone is chatting feverously. My handler, a young bearded dude from Washington State, gives me my voter list, along with the “rap” - a general guide to what I am supposed to say to these voters. I have enlisted in this enterprise somewhat doubtfully. After all, I think, if after 4 years of continuous disaster someone STILL doesn’t want to vote, what can I do to change his lazy mind? But, I reason, if I can make just a small difference, it is better than watching another episode of the Simpsons. Last election, Bush carried Iowa by an average of just 2 votes per precinct. We are instructed to introduce ourselves, and ask if the voter will be voting for Bush or Kerry. If Kerry, we ask them what time, and do they need a ride to the polls. If Bush, we are to politely thank them, and move on (hint). I am told that this list is comprised of likely Kerry voters who may not vote at all. I am asked if I can do door-to-door. It’s raining, but what the hell, ok. Armed with an armful of brochures (the cover bemoans the lack of flu shots - FLU SHOTS? Who the hell is in charge of marketing here?) and a list of about 100 voters in a particular neighborhood, I set out. I find the first house and approach. There is a notice taped to the front door. From a distance I think it is an eviction notice, but upon closer inspection, it is a building permit. Good. A middle aged woman answers my knock, and I ask for Mr. Voter. He approaches suspiciously. I smile and introduce myself. “Are you going to vote for Mr. Kerry or Mr. Bush?” “Definitely Bush”. “OK, thank you.” I turn to leave. “Why?” “Uh, well, we are doing a voter survey.” “No, I mean do you want to know why I am going to vote for Bush?” he queries. My immediate response, unspoken, is of course, “Because you’re stupid”, but I politely continue. “Ok, why?” “Because of the first hundred days”. He has a satisfied smirk on his face that tells me that, in his mind, he has just scored an unassailable coup of reason. My face is blank, as I have no idea what the hell he is talking about. “The first hundred days?” “Kerry’s first hundred days in office. I am scared of what the terrorists will do if he gets elected. So I am voting for Bush.” He actually says these things as if they are as obvious as the rain running down my neck. I know I should just leave, but I can’t resist. “So let me get this straight. Bush ignores specific warnings about an Osama terrorist strike using airliners. He lies to get us into an illegal war, where we slaughter 100,000 Iraqis, get over 1000 of our own killed, squanders a record surplus, loses more jobs since Hoover, rewards his rich friends with no-bid contracts and guts the Bill of Rights, and you are worried about what MIGHT happen under Kerry? Gee, the folks I know are worried about what has ALREADY happened under Bush.” All this said as calmly as I can. He reaches beside the door and produces a much scarred Louisville Slugger. “Get off my porch you damn Commie!” As I bid a hasty retreat, he yells “At least Bush is a Christian!” Shaken, I decided to pursue the rest of my canvassing via telephone, so I hop in the car and head home. Besides, the brochures were beginning to get soggy. After a few dozen phone calls, I notice a definite pattern. The folks who tell me they are voting Kerry are generally cheerful, and proud of letting me know. (After all, they have no idea who I am doing this survey for.) A few of them even volunteer the information that they have already voted via absentee ballot. This is good information, as the organization I am working for plans to call voters on election day if they have not shown up at the polling place by the time they stated they would - which is the reason for asking them what time they plan to vote. Leave no voter behind, eh? On the other hand, the Bush voters seem, well, angry. Angry and defensive. On one call the voter asks me who I am polling for. I tell him and he spits “Oh, that Democratic organization. Well you can just tell them that I am a Vietnam Vet and Kerry can stick it!” Click. By and large the Bushites also seem much more disposed to the use of profanity upon an unknown stranger. “I’m tired of you damn pollsters!” and “Son of a Bitch!” pepper their responses. My favorite was “Bush, dammit. Now fuck off!” Even the Bushies who were polite had an undertone of resentment, like a functioning alcoholic who is being confronted about his drinking. And unlike the Kerry supporters, the Bushaholics seemed much more likely to volunteer an explanation of their stance, as if they needed to justify their vote. Even though I did not ask (and really did not want to know). But they would usually rush right into it. For example, “Bush, because he will protect us from the terrorists.” Or “Bush, because at least he stands for something.” Or “Bush, because Kerry would let the terrorists win.” In an angry or whiny tone of voice. After my first lesson, I simply thanked them and hung up. After all, most people have caller ID, and the last thing I need is a mob of Jesus-based enraged wackos descending upon my home with pitchforks and torches. I have studied many works on canine behavior. A normal healthy and well socialized dog will engage with a friendly approach in a friendly manner. On the other hand, some dogs have suffered attack and abuse and will respond aggressively. A specific subset of canine aggression is known as “fear-biting”. A dog who is a fear-biter has been traumatized sometime in puppyhood, often intentionally by a human trying to create a vicious, aggressive dog, or just a mean person taking out their frustrations on Fido. What happens is that the dog becomes whiny and snarling, and likely to bite in an unfamiliar situation, like meeting new people. Just like the Bushites. Makes you think… The Alchemist This, of course, is brilliant. We'll run it with Friday's update.Dear Helen (and H, of course), Glad to hear it brought a little gladness. It was written the day before the so-called election. I was high on Mykeru, Hunter S., and various of my favorite pundits' latest screeds proclaiming victory for the forces of goodness and light (or at least defeat for the forces of stupidity and greed). Sigh. I think most of us who have a grasp on the depth of the rottenness of the Republicons knew we were kidding ourselves. When I dropped off my completed canvassing materials at the local voter outreach office, I saw their young, elated faces, and something in me whispered "Poor bastards, they have no idea what they are up against." I mean, when 80% of votes are counted by only two companies, and, hey, coinky-dink of coinkydinks, they're BOTH owned and operated by staunch Rupublicons! Imagine that! The temptation would be too much for even an honest party, much less the soulless wraiths currently sucking the blood of the body politic. Hell, I know I would cheat if it meant keeping power, and I consider myself a pretty good guy. So did Hitler. Absolute power... So anyone with eyes to see knows that The Fix Was In. I am sure everyone here has already read the amazing Vote discrepancy articles around (here are two: LINK and LINK) It beggars belief to think that these discrepancies ALL FAVORED BUSH. Anyone who cannot smell this 500-pound rat has his nose befouled by the stench of his own putrid arsehole. But of course for about half of America (I DO believe Bush got about half So, after watching the public truncheoning of Democracy as we know it, I was, to say the least, pretty bummed. Fuck it, I thought, I am never going to bother voting again. What we need now is armed insurrection. As if there were enough freedom lovers left for that! The sheeple have spoken, they did so in 2000 when they let this gang of bumbling goatfuckers steal the election in front of God and everybody. They have had 4 years to polish up their act, and last Tuesday, they did a much better job of it. No bothersome recounts, no need to twist State and Federal law like a double-jointed prostitute, no messy newspaper articles reminding people that their votes had been stolen. Nope, just good clean black box manipulation. Behind the Scenes. Slick. Nixon would cream. However, I do see a gleam of twisted hope. With a Republicon Congress, this administration is going to Fuck this nation within an inch of its life. More and more families will know the scream of sorrow, and maybe, just maybe, things will get so bad that the people will wake up. As for now, it seems that too many are just content to take the Blue Pill, and go on being sucked dry for the Overlords. They deserve it. Thank you, H&H for providing this much-needed forum where the living can continue to shout "Wake Up!" The Alchemist Of course, the snoozers aren't here. They're having sweet dreams of truth justice and the American way, leaving us to preach mostly to the choir.
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