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DIALOGUE WITH OUR READERS
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Handed a drug-test form by The Alchemist, August 4, 2005 [Re The daily compromise] Harry, I don’t think you’re an asshole, just an American who is thoroughly disgusted with the loss of our once-great nation. The problem with us mature folks (ahem) is that we actually have experienced a degree of freedom unparalleled in human history. And we miss it. A number of years ago, I arrived back in the USA with naught but a few dollars and a head full of dreadlocks. Somehow, I landed a dream job, one where I could shine (and KEEP the dreads), and was even getting a piece of the action. (This was at the start of the dotcom run-up, everyone was poised to make piles of money.) I showed up for my new position, and was handed a drug-test form, along with printed directions to the “clinic.” Dilemma. Mind you, I was clean as could be, drug-wise, but I harbored some pretty powerful and personal notions about liberty and such. The two principals of the firm were not there to hear my protest, and the HR woman told me it was “standard policy.” Hmmm, I had just spend the previous 6 months living in a free country, and this was a real blow. I drove to the facility in a semi-daze. Signed the register, and began to grapple with my conscience in the plastic orange and grey waiting facility. If I was against mandatory drug screening back when I was a regular pot smoker (ok, maybe irregular), based upon principle, then wouldn’t I be a hypocrite to bend over when it suited my personal benefit? Mind you, this was a very good job, stock options, freedom to create my own department, etc. I left without peeing, went home and left a rambling message on the personal voice mail of the owners, peppered with epithets like “nazi” and “fascist”. I spent the next few years in mind-numbing, horrid jobs. Often I regretted my decision, but with the passage of time and perspective of the years, I must say I would do it again. For those plucky subway riders, there are more alternatives than just submitting or refusing. For instance, TALK to the nice officer. If you feel stupid or abused by this asinine procedure, imagine how he or she must feel. You only have to be humiliated once, while this poor schmoe has to do it for 8 friggin’ hours. You could ask, f’r instance, “Do you think a real terrorist would let someone search their pack?” or “Find any good porno lately?”, or even just a smile and “I feel MUCH safer now. Thanks!” Remember, this employee is just as powerless as you, Not quite true, as this person clearly has power over me and other passengers.and would probably prefer to be doing something a little more meaningful, like telemarketing timeshares, or reviewing zoning ordinances, or shining shoes. The snarkier might even put some “surprise” items in their pact, like your stinkiest gym socks, a used condom, or a stack of copies of the Constitution. Oh, wait. Scratch that last. That WILL get you pulled aside, you terrorist, you! Remember, Big Brother never sleeps. OBEY! The Alchemist
I appreciate your telling what you went through, and I love the humorous suggestions.
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